


Of Souls and Hosts

by ShayMcSudonim



Category: The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Filk, Gen, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8162533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShayMcSudonim/pseuds/ShayMcSudonim
Summary: Overly morbid crack-fic-song-fic... not intended to be taken seriously. Anyway... Human Hosts who retain their sense of self quickly learn which thoughts annoy their resident Souls... and tend to dwell on those thoughts as often as possible. The Seeker, as it turned out, was never very fond of music.





	

"I don't know how to save you," said Melanie, looking at the Seeker with apparent sadness in her eyes.

Erica, the Seeker, wasn't fooled. If there was one thing she'd learned from Lacey, her Host, it was that Humanity was about as sincere as a Vulture trying to propose a peace treaty. She glared at the Human who possessed a Soul's eyes, resolving to remain defiant to the end.

...although now it seemed that Melanie was having some sort of mental breakdown, as the other Humans had become worried. Erica did her best to flatten herself against the rough cavern wall, and to stay out of their reach, while they fawned over the Soul-murdering Human. Poor Wanderer... she really should have listened, but now it was too late...

Soon, Melanie was gone, ushered from the room by her vile cohorts, and it would only be a matter of time before the other Humans returned and began the interrogation proper. Now was the ideal time to mentally prepare herself for whatever tortures might await her in the near future.

Lacey was not helping in the least.

The two of them had been holding mental conversations for years and, to Erica at least, it seemed as though she could almost _see_ Lacey in her mind's eye when they spoke. It was probably due to the fact that they conveyed emotion through intent to make certain facial expressions... but she didn't look too deeply into it, or into anything, really, that involved paying unnecessary attention to her Host.

* * *

_Ha!_ thought Lacey. _Melanie's in control of her body now! Score one for Humanity!_

_**We're going to**_ **die** _ **, Lacey**_ _,_ thought the Soul, thinking that the Human was taking the situation altogether too flippantly.

_Hey. Hey...!_ thought Lacey _. She's a Human, and "Wanda's" lost her will... so Melanie's also kind of a Soul._

_**They're going to** _ **kill** **_us._ **

_... you know that that makes her?  
_

_**Slowly and painfully, cut me to ribbons, until I shred through your brain and kill you myself...** _

_The Human centipede!_

_**You're not even listening, are you?** _

_Ah, Erica,_ thought Lacey, a touch of sadness entering her mindvoice. _When death stares you in the face, sometimes all you can do is curse, flip off the grim reaper, and go out singing._

_**Please, no**_ _,_ thought the Soul.

_Oh_ yes _,_ thought Lacey. _Let's do this!_

An upbeat song began to play within their mind. The Human was entirely responsible for it.

* * *

(To the tune of "Ready to Die" by Andrew W. K.)

(Instrumental:

Guitar comes in:

_**You do realize that if I die, you die, too... right?** _

_**ignores. Headbangs.**_

_**They have absolutely no idea that you're still alive. They'll kill us both.** _

_**ignores. Dances around like an idiot.**_

_**Some days, I don't know why I even bother...** _

_****Sigh.**** _

_**I was all set to go out like a hero, serious and stoic to the last. Instead I'm going to spend my last hours on Earth with this morbid song stuck in my head. I hope you're proud of yourself.** _

_Hey, they're my last hours too. And I can't think of a better way to spend them!_

_)._

* * *

_Lacey:_

_This is your time to pay!_

_This is your judgement day!_

* * *

_Lacey (imitating Erica):_

_'Our scouts we sacrificed_

_And now we get to take your life!_

_We shot Wes with a gun!_

_Us Seekers get things done!_

_It's really nothing new_

_...it's just a thing we have to do!'_

* * *

_Lacey (grins):_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die)_

_Your secrets, get ready to spill!_

_(get ready to spill)_

_You better get ready to leave, you sad de-ceeeeit-ful worm!_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(GET READY TO DIE!)_

* * *

(Instrumental:

_**Barbarian.** _

_Wimp._

_**Monster.** _

_Monster x2._

_**Psychopath.** _

_**Still... I can tell you're trying to help take my mind off things... so, thanks I suppose.** _

_What was that?_

_**I'm not going to say it again. I know you heard me the first time.** _

_You care about me!_

_**As much as one** _ **can** **_care about a rebellious Host, I suppose._ **

_Aww... and I care about you too, Erica!_

_**Ugh.** _

_I mean, as much as you can care about a worm living inside your head, stealing your body..._

) _._

* * *

_Lacey:_

_Your life is over now!_

_Your life is running out!_

_When your Host to death descends,_

_Then it's time to kill again!_

_They cut with scalpel bright!_

_Hello to silver eyes!_

_You're just a parasite!_

_Now close your eyes and say good night!_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die)_

_Your secrets, get ready to spill!_

_(get ready to spill)_

_You better get ready to leave, you sad de-ceeeeit-ful worm!_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die)_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die)_

_Get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die!)_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die!)_

_Get ready to die!_

_(GET READY TO DIE!)_

_You better get ready to die!_

_(Get ready to die!)_

_Get ready to die!_

_Been a long time comin'!_

_It'll do no good runnin', and_

_YOU BETTER GET READY TO DIE!_

* * *

(Instrumental:

_**Will you stop smiling like that? It's starting to unnerve me.** _

_Not until you smile back._

_**I'd rather die. In fact, I'm** _ **already** **_going to die, and I'll be damned if I smile before I do._ **

_Come on! You_ know _you want to..._

_**Go jump off a cliff...** _

).

* * *

Several minutes later:

After they drugged the Seeker in black, Ian and Jeb exchanged a glance.

"Well, now," began Jeb, "I know she wasn't entirely _sane_ , but..."

"...even for a lunatic," said Ian, frowning, "...she knew we were going to kill her... so why did it look like she was having a hard time keeping a straight face?"

Jeb's brow furrowed. He shook his head in confusion. "Mighty strange, kid. Mighty strange indeed..."

* * *

Several weeks later:

The Soul who was once named Wanderer gently placed cryotank she was carrying in amongst the others, which were nestled together on the ship bound for the Flower World. "Better luck with your next Host," she said, giving the tank a brief smile before leaving, silently, the same way she had arrived.

For perhaps thirty seconds the cryotank just sat there, undisturbed. Then a Human, who had been hiding behind the wheels of of the plane's landing gear, entered the ship. She showed considerably less care for the cryotanks than the last intruder, as she began haphazardly flipping them upside down, playing some game of her own imagining.

A broad smile broke out across her face as she came across one which had a piece of red electric tape stuck to the underside. Lacey hefted the tank, and absconded with it before anyone could catch her, neglecting to restore the other tanks to their full, upright positions.

The Human then left the airfield, after transferring the tank to the neighboring ship, that is.

* * *

Several Hundred Years Later:

After her brief (and reluctant) decision not to shred Lacey's brain, when she realized that the Humans were about to drug her, Erica had known no more and assumed that the final death was all that awaited her.

Imagine her surprise when a final memory began to play within her mind. Well, her new Host was an infant, so it really wasn't much of a 'last' memory: merely a hatching from the egg, to give her first warbles of sonar at the new world.

She was a Bat. The one Host species whose language was composed entirely of music.

Well, there were a million questions about her first life that she couldn't know the answers to. At least, not for a few hundred years. Why was she still alive? What had happened to Earth? Did poor Wanderer ever find a new Host? ...but one thing was certain:

This was Lacey's doing.

"Child," trilled her Host's mother's Soul, "I know changing species can be a bit overwhelming... but you really shouldn't hit your head against the wall like that."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Used RoCounterClockwork's transcription of the original lyrics as a template. Wrote this because, after seeing the Bronies use this song as the backdrop for an animation about the Pony Chainsaw Massacre "Cupcakes", I really needed some brain bleach... and an alternate interpretation of the song.


End file.
